Tag Archives: Transgender

Transgender Journey: Real Stories From Around The World – BOOK RELEASE!

Front CoverIn January 2015, I asked 10 questions. These questions were answered by Transgender / Gender Queer individuals from all around the world that included: all walks of life, all shapes, sizes and ages with different beliefs and life experiences.

I had no idea the profound responses I would receive. Transgender Journey: Reals Stories From Around The World is an intricate look inside the personal lives of almost 40 people located in countries spanning from the United States all the way to small dot on the map called Slovenia.

The words inside this book reach into the depths of the soul, awakening anyone who picks it up to read. This book is perfect for those who are new to the journey, for family and friends who want to learn more, or for anyone who loves reading about the fascinating journeys of others.

You may laugh, you may cry. No doubt this book will make a lasting impression in your mind (and heart) for years to come. Learn about the obstacles, the joy, the depression, the fear, the happiness, the triumph…and everything in between.

Real Stories. Real Lives. Real Answers.

Buy a copy today!

View the website!

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under TQ Nation Review, Uncategorized

Natural Transitioning for Transgender Men (FTM) – Alternative to Testosterone Hormone Replacement Therapy

product_thumbnailNatural Transitioning™ (NT) was founded by Tristan Skye in 2008. It is the process of transitioning from female to male (FTM) by raising the testosterone levels your body already naturally produces without injecting synthetic testosterone.
In this book, you will uncover years of dedicated research and my personal experience as a transgender man developing this alternative method of transitioning. This second edition is quite different from the first and takes a truly natural, holistic approach, with guidance from naturopathic doctors (from both the United States and Canada), Chinese medical practitioners and herbalists. Not only is this a guide book that will help you transition without synthetic hormones, it is also a guide book to help you achieve a greater health for your overall being.

Leave a comment

Filed under Education, Medical, Research, TQ Nation Review

The TQ Takeover! Important Message.

Hello friends and family,

I want to personally extend my gratitude for you being on TQ Nation. As most of you have noticed, I took a huge step (leap) backwards a couple of years ago. I was dealing with some personal, family issues and did not have the ability to stay at full capacity with my work in the community.

Over those years, I grew more into myself than all of the years prior combined. I am happy to say that today I am in the best place I have ever been. I had some healing to go through and some of that process involved TQ Nation. This site exploded with growth when I had my ex wife by my side (2008-2010) and when she pulled back from the community (2011) and eventually we divorced (2012), I believe a part of me associated TQ Nation with her. Then I realized this site has nothing to do with her or any one person. It is a community.

I created this website in Sept. of 2007 as a new trans guy who was absolutely clueless and didn’t know where to begin. I hoped someone would log on and tell me how to put on a binder! A couple of friends signed up to make me feel better and now today we have over 13,000 citizens internationally. Can I just say….what?!?!? Incredible. Totally mind-boggling.

So, why the TQ Takeover? It’s more of a TQ Take-back. The main point of TQ Nation is actually to SAVE LIVES. Yes, that is correct. We lose too many people because they don’t have a place to belong, anyone to talk to, nobody to relate to. They hate their bodies and feel lost and alone. Truly, the only part of them they want to die is the gender they don’t associate with…yet, some kill all of themselves. THIS CANNOT HAPPEN ANY LONGER.

I’m going to start focusing on suicide prevention within our community. You will see some changes in the near future.

 

Thanks again for being beautiful and living your truth!

Tristan Skye

Founder/President of TQ Nation

 

Visit TQ Nation at: http://www.transqueernation.com

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Support

Trans Health Initiative Offering Hormone Replacement Therapy

Trans Health Initiative Offering Hormone Replacement Therapy

Fundraising efforts by local groups, the Atlanta Radical Faeries and the Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, will be honored on May 19th at the First Existentialist Congregation in Candler Park from 5pm – 7pm.

ATLANTA – The Trans Health Initiative (THI) is pleased to announce the availability of Hormone Replacement Therapy to the transmasculine community. THI’s new coordinator, Sybastian Welch (a trans-identified man and advocate), and new Medical Director are committed to providing consistent and high quality health care. They reexamined protocols and integrated recommendations into the program to help realize the actual needs of the Trans-masculine community.

THI has offered sensitive and affordable health care to gender variant and intersex individuals since 2000. THI is a program of the Feminist Health Center’s Cliff Valley Clinic located at 1924 Cliff Valley Way NE in Atlanta.

The THI program seeks to reduce barriers to health care services and hormone replacement therapy for transmasculine individuals.  We offer sliding scale fees and relaxants or anesthesia for lower exams, colposcopies, biopsies and other medically necessary procedures that some clients feel may be emotionally and/or physically intolerable if they were awake.

THI follows the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association’s Standards of Care guidelines and is also informed by Medical Therapy and Health Maintenance for Transgender Men, the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH).  For more information about THI, please visit www.transhealthinitiative.org.

Fundraising by local queers groups helped provide necessary funding for services. The Intergalactic Love Affair (IGLA) is a community celebration-meets-fundraising event lovingly thrown together by the collaborative efforts of the Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and the Atlanta Radical Faeries. The event was conceived as an opportunity to unite the passion and creative powers of a group of friends toward raising funds for queer-minded organizations in the Atlanta community. In its inaugural year, all proceeds from IGLA went to YouthPride to shine a light on the issues facing young queers in our community. This year, the event highlighted an often overlooked group in our alphabet soup – the Atlanta transgender community – by donating 100% of funds raised from this year’s event to the Feminist Women’s Health Center (FWHC) and their Trans Health Initiative (THI).

The Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, order of the Flaming Sugarbakers are 21st century queer nuns dedicated to the manifestation of cosmic joy through freedom of expression, community outreach, social activism and charitable acts. Their manifest states, “We love expiating stigmatic guilt and spreading cosmic joy. We paint our faces to express the diversity in the community and by bringing our inside expressions out and to reflect the beauty of the people we meet and serve.” The Sisters have been in Atlanta since 2009 and delight in helping our communities through condom ministries, diverse fundraisers and promoting health awareness. They are first-line fighters in the campaign for universal human rights in the queer community.  For more information, visit http://atlsisters.org.

The Atlanta Radical Faeries are a very loosely aligned fellowship of friends, family, mutants, and misfits uniting countless queer sub-cultures to foment community through acts of radical self-expression, love, and compassion.

#############

Leave a comment

Filed under Shout Out

Power & Control: How (not) to be a Man

Time to get a grip on how we react.

In just a few moments of your time today, I would like to help you redefine your perception of how we should be as men…to our partners, families, friends, workplace and community. To some, this will not be an epiphany as they read along. To others, I hope it opens your eyes.

Recently, I was provided a list of actions that are considered “abusive” behavior. As I scanned the list, I was amazed at some of the items…considering, most people I know would be abusive per this list. I then saw a bigger picture and reality. If the majority of us do things that hurt others, the effect we are having on them always finds a way to come back full circle.

“Life is like an echo. What we send out, always comes right back.” – Chinese Proverb

 

I am personally guilty of some of these abusive behaviors. I have nothing to hide and I hope you can learn some things from my own experiences.

We do not think of ourselves as abusers because we JUSTIFY or MINIMIZE our actions due to the actions of the other person. What we need to realize is WE CANNOT CHANGE our partners, we can only change ourselves and be accountable for what WE do. It doesn’t matter if they are calling you names, you don’t have to call names back. I have come to a point in life where I think that those who fight the hardest to win an argument are truly the biggest losers.

We as men need to create SAFETY, not have a persona of stopping whatever behavior threatens our “authority” – we see aggression as being a natural part of being a man, and that our “superior status” gives us the right to use that aggression to dominate and control women..and others.

DO NOT BLAME YOUR T-SHOTS. Be accountable for your actions. I have been on T now for 5 months and I have not once blamed anything I have said or done on T. Do I feel more assertive? Sure! Yet, that is no excuse or justification to be an asshole.

We need to be loving, supportive and respectful. We need to be self-less, not selfish in our motives, thoughts and actions. We need to have integrity and be role models to our future generations.

It is NOT okay to lose our cool and have short fuses. I have been practicing this while driving. Where I live is NUTS with traffic and most people that live here shouldn’t have a drivers license. Lately, when someone cuts me off and I feel the urge to wave my Italian arm in the air and yell out, “You stupid idiot!!!!”, I now honk my horn and keep my mouth shut. Oh, and I have stopped honking my horn for, like, 5 minutes at the person. I had a wonderful habit of doing that. I’d get really fired up and lay on my horn for an uncomfortable amount of time. FACT: I have cut people off and most of the time it has been unintentional and I felt awful about it. Who’s to say these people just didn’t see me? We are human. We make mistakes. We need to realize this, stop stressing out, and move on.

FOR HEALTH’S SAKE:

High stress increases your blood pressure, increases cortisol (hormone that adds tummy fat), and makes your body more at risk to be unhealthy. Stress is not healthy. It is the precursor for many horrible things you don’t want.

To top that off, when we react instead of respond, we put the other person’s health at risk.

KIDS WILL BE KIDS?

You can listen in on a typical day at the playground and hear kids bullying other kids who aren’t aggressive or dominant and show more signs of passivity. They pick on them and call them all sorts of names like “faggot”, “wuss”, “p*ssy”, to demoralize them. Notice, most names these young boys are called usually relate to women. It is ingrained early on that for a man to be thought of in any way as a woman is degrading. *Just wanted to point that out*

I remember when I was a child, yelling and screaming TERRIFIED me. It made me feel scared inside and I wanted to go hide. As I grew up…I then adopted that behavior and felt like the louder I could get, the more I would be heard. I just really wanted to make sure I was heard and understood and even felt my reasoning was completely justified and rational. In turn, I wasn’t listening to the other person. I heard very little, made my assumptions and then defended my own reality and perception.

Why am I disclosing my own dirt? Because it is dirt MANY people have and I’m doing a complete makeover with the new revelations I have been receiving and it is time for all of us to clean up our lives so we can truly live and not be overshadowed by deception of how we should be as men.

I want to respect others, listen to them and value their feelings as I value my own. I want to respond calmly to things that usually strike a nerve and irritate me. I want to bite my tongue when I feel “triggered” and only respond in a loving way, or walk away until I can. I want to be the best husband and father I possibly can be.

HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE

It is just a fact. People who are hurt, hurt others. And when you are hurting, you are so wrapped up in your own hurt that you fail to realize there is another person right in front of you that is also hurting. We have this reptilian brain of “flight or fight” and forget to pass through the passive pathway of “cognitive thinking” and take the quick pit stop of “REACTION” … which is never the right exit to get off at. Most of the time we react, it is out of our own hurt and fear. Usually, when you feel something intense in a not-so-nice-way, you are either going to cry, lash out, or retreat.

I feel the time has come for men to embrace a sense of self in which they can provide safe environments and validation of others.

Lastly, I am providing you with the list I was given recently. Some of these are extreme, some might surprise you.

Violent and Controlling Behavior Checklist
Physical Violence
____ Slap, punch, grab, kick, choke, push, restrain, pull hair, pinch, bite
____ Rape (use of force, threats to get sex)
____ Use of weapons, throwing things, keeping weapons around which scare her
____ Abuse of furniture, things in the home, pets, destroying her things
____ Intimidation (standing in the doorway during arguments, angry or threatening gestures, use of size to intimidate, standing over her, outshouting, driving recklessly)
____ Uninvited touching
____ Threats (verbal or nonverbal, direct or indirect)
____ Harassment (uninvited visits or calls, following her around, checking up on her, embarrassing her in public, not leaving when asked)
____ Isolation (preventing or making it hard for her to see/talk to friends, relatives, others)
____ Other (please list)

Psychological and Economic Abuse
____ Yelling, swearing, being lewd, raising your voice, using angry expressions or gestures
____ Criticism (name-calling, swearing, mocking, put-downs, ridicule, accusations, blaming, use of trivializing words or gestures)
____ Pressure Tactics (rushing her to make decisions, using guilt/accusations, sulking, threatening to withhold financial support, manipulating children, abusing feelings)
____ Interrupting, changing topics, not listening, not responding, twisting her words, going on and on
____ Economic coercion (withholding money, the car, or other resources; sabotaging her attempts to work)
____ Claiming “the truth,” being the authority, defining her behavior, using “logic”
____ Lying, withholding information, infidelity (having sex with others)
____ Using pornography (e.g., magazines, movies, strip shows, home videos, etc.)
____ Withholding help on childcare/housework; not doing your share or following through on your agreements
____ Emotional withholding (not expressing feelings, not giving support, validation, attention, compliments, respect for her feelings, rights, and opinions)
____ Not taking care of yourself (not asking for help or support from friends, abusing drugs or alcohol, being a “people-pleaser”)
____ Other forms of manipulation (please list)

(Adapted from EMERGE, Boston, Massachusetts)

“Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing.”

4 Comments

Filed under Spout Out, Support

STEALTH: Undercover Transgender Brother

The STEALTH decision

One thing I have learned is that you can never speak for a group as a whole. Our opinions and thoughts might not be shared…and that is okay. That is the beauty of what makes us all unique individuals.

This post is about being stealth. What is “stealth”, you might ask? It is where one chooses to not disclose their transition to the outside world (ie: work, school, etc.)

Obviously, you can never escape your transition from certain people; however, some choose to live and blend into our surroundings, much like a chameleon.

Some argue, “you must be ashamed of who you are!” Yet, I beg to differ. We unfortunately live in a world that is infiltrated by bigotry, ignorance, hate and defiance. Some of us have spent years being ridiculed for the “choices” they made in their lives. Some of us just want a break.

While others will debate the “stealth” decision by saying, “you are choosing not to educate others, you are not an advocate, an activist”…I say, “don’t judge.”

ENDA to END Discrimination

What is right for you isn’t always right for someone else. We do not always feel the same, have had the same situations or same responses. Some families embrace their children, while others shun them. Some companies welcome us with open arms, while others can attest to being unemployed for years and not given the opportunity, simply based on one thing: they are transgender.

And, guess what? There isn’t a law to protect us. ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) is a proposed bill to protect us; yet, it is still waiting to be approved by the United States Congress.

“ENDA has been introduced in every Congress since 1994 (except the 109th) while previous employment anti-discrimination legislation has been proposed since 1974.[1] The bill gained its best chance at passing after the Democratic Party broke twelve years of Republican Congressional rule in the 2006 midterm elections. In 2007, gender identity protections were added to the legislation for the first time ever. However, some sponsors believed that even with a Democratic majority, ENDA did not have enough votes to pass the House of Representatives with transgender inclusion, and dropped it from the bill, which passed and subsequently died in the Senate. LGBT advocacy organizations, and the community, were divided over support of the changed bill.

In 2009, on the heels of the 2008 elections that strengthened the Democratic majority, and after the divisiveness of the 2007 debate, a transgender-inclusive ENDA was introduced by House representative Barney Frank. Frank reintroduced the bill in 2011. Shortly thereafter, the bill was introduced in the Senate by Jeff Merkley.

Transgender people may experience higher rates of discrimination than the LGB population. A survey of transgender and gender non-conforming people Conducted by the National Center for Transgender Equality found 90 percent of respondents experienced harassment, mistreatment or discrimination on the job or took actions like hiding who they are to avoid it.[5] In comparison, a review of studies conducted by the Williams Institute in 2007 found that transgender people experienced employment discrimination at a rate 15 to 57 percent.[6](credit: wikipedia)

BULLYING

One thing we are all familiar with is bullying. Even if we haven’t personally been a victim, we probably know someone who has. Recently, an FTM friend of mine living in San Francisco was a victim and beaten severely.

“More than half of transgender or gender non-conforming people who experienced bullying or harassment have attempted suicide, according to a recently released study.

“From our experience working with transgender people, we had prepared ourselves for high rates of suicide attempts, but we didn’t expect anything like this,” said Mara Keisling, Executive Director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. “Our study participants reported attempting suicide at a rate more than 25 times the national average.”

Rates of attempted suicide rose dramatically — to 59 percent — when the victim’s teacher or professor was the perpetrator of bullying or harassment. Among those who had been physically assaulted by a teacher or professor, 76 percent reported having attempted suicide.” (credit)

MURDER

For the year 2011, there was a reported 221 victims that were murdered based on their gender identity. How many more occurred that were left unreported? (see 8 of the victims here)

REALITY CHECK

By this point, you are most likely shaking your head and thinking, “gee, Tristan, this sure is depressing!”

Yes, it is quite depressing. Yet, it is a reality.

I have personally won “Best Transgender Activist” for the years 2009, 2010 and 2011 by the readers of GA Voice. I was voted one of the 50 most influential people in our community by the readers of Fenuxe magazine in 2010. (click here)

Am I gloating? Hardly. While my claims of being a Trans Warrior and Advocate are very true, I sit at my desk in a conservative company STEALTH.

Am I ashamed of being Tristan Skye? Not at all. If anything, I’m more proud of the “Skye” part of me than anything else. But, the private part of me, sits here proud of who I am and happy, yes HAPPY, to be here and be seen for exactly who I am. A man. A smart, witty guy who happens to be very creative and good at what I do. A guy who is married with a newborn son.

Why don’t I wave the transgender flag proudly at my desk? I don’t have to. I do my part and educate others even while stealth. I defend our community and have actually been surprised to hear many of my conservative co-workers be in favor of things like gay marriage. I have been an advocate, undercover. That is how I see myself. I’m like an undercover agent.

To fact is, I worked hard scholastically to get to where I am today. I was “out” at every job prior to this one. My previous job, I went from “F” to “M” and they had to learn to change pronouns.

Upon being hired at my current place of employment, I had to contact ALL previous employers and tell them about my transition and that I am now legally and medically “male.” I even had to call that one boss from hell that mocked me and was condescending while I worked under him.

YES, I enjoy being one of the guys. I enjoy the experience of passing. For me, that was what I dreamed about. I can’t say I ever wanted to feel “normal” because I realize…WHAT is normal? WHO is normal? I know what the majority of society THINKS is normal…but, I agree that normal is boring. I’m not normal. Even being stealth…I’m NOT normal. I couldn’t be normal even if I tried.

I have gone to great lengths to have my outside match my inside. I have changed my name, undergone surgery, had my sex marker changed on every document, including my birth certificate…gotten legally married and am the legal father of my son.

I went from the aggravating world of being called “she”, “her” and “ma’am” to “he”, “him” and “sir.”

I have went from low self esteem to high self esteem.

I would NEVER deny my past if asked. Yet, I don’t provide that information when it comes to my work. I don’t drive around with a car that says “Tranny Inside” on it.

If anyone EVER said anything negative about our community, I would immediately jump in to defend and educate.

I know some of you might disagree with what I have chosen for my life. But, as I don’t disapprove of your life, I ask you respect how I feel. I do not stand alone in our community with the decision I have personally made.

I actually feel like I’m “half” stealth. Half of my life is undercover, so to speak, and the other half is as if Hurricane Tranz is coming through! Look out!

Yet, I don’t feel like I’m being any less of ME. I feel honest and true with myself everywhere I am and go. I’m not ashamed, I am protective. I have had plenty of HATERS in my lifetime, I can assure you. I have had death threats and wishes put on me by those “disgusted” by who I am and what I represent. Do I stop what I do in the community? NEVER. Bring it on!

To those of you who wear your pride on your sleeve 24/7…thank you! You are rebels with a cause and stand up with pride at all times, ready and armed to defend our Trans community. Some of you choose to never legally change your names and/or sex markers to make a point for others to always know your roots and who you are and what you’re all about. That definitely is bold and brave and I think that takes strength to purposefully be a pillar of education and advocacy at all times. And, for some of you, you could totally go stealth, yet you would never do it.

For some others, they have gone stealth and I can’t even find them anymore. It’s like they have disappeared. They moved away, most likely, and started over fresh and brand new.

Me? I’m happy just where I’m at. I’m happy with my life. I’m happy being me. I still wish some things could be different, but I know everything I go through only makes me grow and become a stronger person. I still have struggles. I still have bad days. I’m human.

Because I’m human, I have the privilege of personal choice. I would never deny another their rights, and I ask you all to never deny someone else’s personal choice. From no-ho to ho, from surgery to no surgery, from gender queer to transgender…the whole purpose of this is to be TRUE to ourselves and find that peace and happiness that our soul desires.

You are my family. The family that has always loved, supported and accepted me. I could NEVER leave my family behind…and, I promise, I never will.

6 Comments

Filed under Support

Life with our Awesome Son – Delivery and First Month

Being a dad is the ultimate. Holy cow! I love it. Our lil guy is the coolest around. I’m going to let you all know how delivery and first month were/have been.

DELIVERY TIME

On November 15th, Sicily and I went to our midwife for a routine visit only to find out her amniotic fluid was super duper low. A bit fearful, the midwife had our OB/GYN come in and sure enough…emergency c-section had to happen ASAP.

We were told to be at the hospital in 3 hours to check in. I had to go back to work to tell them the news and the emotions I felt were overwhelming. I almost felt shaky and didn’t know whether to cry or puke. I got to work and everyone was crazy excited and worried at the same time. I raced home to Sicily and she had gotten everything prepared, showered and was ready.

We both were in prayers that our baby bear would be perfect and healthy…I knew a c-section was the last thing Sicily wanted, so I tried to be supportive and comforting.

We arrived and checked in to the pre-surgery room. They started checking Sicily’s temperature and blood pressure. Minutes felt like hours. Finally, they took her back and told me to wait while they gave her an epidural and prepared her for surgery. I really didn’t like being left solo to hang while my wife and unborn child were wisked away from me. For those 30 minutes…my anxiety went on a roller coaster ride! I had my scrubs on ready!

Finally, I went back and I saw a sheet up and I had to sit by Sicily’s head. I talked to her a bit and then when they started, she said she felt a lot of pressure like they are were inside of her. Then, we were silent…just listening to them and waiting…and waiting.

Suddenly, we heard crying! Sicily burst into tears and it was the best moment of my life. They announced he was healthy and I was able to stand to see them carry him away to clean him off. Then they brought him over to Sicily and with her tear-stained eyes she smiled and admired this beautiful creature that was created and lived within her for almost a year. A pure miracle!

The hardest part was them taking him immediately from us. We hadn’t even held him yet. For over an hour we waited in the post-surgery room and then a nurse brought our bouncing baby boy to us. Sicily held on tight and I turned on the video camera!

So much hair! Wow! Look at how small! Indeed, he was tiny at 5lbs 11oz and 18.5″ – a wonderful bundle.

When I held him for the first time, my heart melted. I couldn’t believe it was real. I mean, I waited my whole life for this moment and had so many times been worried it would never happen. I kept on believing over the years and then here was the moment I held my son for the first time. It was surreal. Like a dream come true.

We were moved to the post-partum room and were there for 4 days until we could go home. His diaper was the first I had ever changed and my first try was pretty sad! Now, I’m a professional and can do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back. Well, *cough* I’d like to think so.

The drive home is when we truly felt like a family. It was just the 3 of us. No hospitals, no guests, just us.

FIRST MONTH

Every day feels new and you learn something. The first week, I was so exhausted I felt physically sick. But, all you keep telling yourself is that it’s so worth it. We just stare at him for hours and it doesn’t get old. When he holds my finger, I feel so much love! He has been a GREAT baby…doesn’t cry much at all unless he is hungry or has a nasty diaper. Now at 4 weeks, he has grown so much and his personality is showing. He smiles A LOT and he like to be held in the air like he is Superman. At first he hated baths, but now loves them as long as you keep the water splashing. Every time he hiccups, Sicily gives him a kiss. He is VERY loved and has plenty of affection. His eyes get so big now as he explores the room, gazing all around. He loves looking at lamps. He loves to be held close. He sometimes snores. He is awesome. He is ours. He has a part of my heart that didn’t exist until he was born.

4 Comments

Filed under Family