Trans Health Initiative Offering Hormone Replacement Therapy

Trans Health Initiative Offering Hormone Replacement Therapy

Fundraising efforts by local groups, the Atlanta Radical Faeries and the Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, will be honored on May 19^th at the First Existentialist Congregation in Candler Park from 5pm – 7pm.

ATLANTA – The Trans Health Initiative (THI) is pleased to announce the availability of Hormone Replacement Therapy to the transmasculine community. THI’s new coordinator, Sybastian Welch (a trans-identified man and advocate), and new Medical Director are committed to providing consistent and high quality health care. They reexamined protocols and integrated recommendations into the program to help realize the actual needs of the Trans-masculine community.

THI has offered sensitive and affordable health care to gender variant and intersex individuals since 2000. THI is a program of the Feminist Health Center’s Cliff Valley Clinic located at 1924 Cliff Valley Way NE in Atlanta.

The THI program seeks to reduce barriers to health care services and hormone replacement therapy for transmasculine individuals.  We offer sliding scale fees and relaxants or anesthesia for lower exams, colposcopies, biopsies and other medically necessary procedures that some clients feel may be emotionally and/or physically intolerable if they were awake.

THI follows the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association’s Standards of Care guidelines and is also informed by Medical Therapy and Health Maintenance for Transgender Men, the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH).  For more information about THI, please visit www.transhealthinitiative.org.

Fundraising by local queers groups helped provide necessary funding for services. The Intergalactic Love Affair (IGLA) is a community celebration-meets-fundraising event lovingly thrown together by the collaborative efforts of the Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and the Atlanta Radical Faeries. The event was conceived as an opportunity to unite the passion and creative powers of a group of friends toward raising funds for queer-minded organizations in the Atlanta community. In its inaugural year, all proceeds from IGLA went to YouthPride to shine a light on the issues facing young queers in our community. This year, the event highlighted an often overlooked group in our alphabet soup – the Atlanta transgender community – by donating 100% of funds raised from this year’s event to the Feminist Women’s Health Center (FWHC) and their Trans Health Initiative (THI).

The Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, order of the Flaming Sugarbakers are 21st century queer nuns dedicated to the manifestation of cosmic joy through freedom of expression, community outreach, social activism and charitable acts. Their manifest states, “We love expiating stigmatic guilt and spreading cosmic joy. We paint our faces to express the diversity in the community and by bringing our inside expressions out and to reflect the beauty of the people we meet and serve.” The Sisters have been in Atlanta since 2009 and delight in helping our communities through condom ministries, diverse fundraisers and promoting health awareness. They are first-line fighters in the campaign for universal human rights in the queer community.  For more information, visit http://atlsisters.org.

The Atlanta Radical Faeries are a very loosely aligned fellowship of friends, family, mutants, and misfits uniting countless queer sub-cultures to foment community through acts of radical self-expression, love, and compassion.

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Power & Control: How (not) to be a Man

Time to get a grip on how we react.

In just a few moments of your time today, I would like to help you redefine your perception of how we should be as men…to our partners, families, friends, workplace and community. To some, this will not be an epiphany as they read along. To others, I hope it opens your eyes.

Recently, I was provided a list of actions that are considered “abusive” behavior. As I scanned the list, I was amazed at some of the items…considering, most people I know would be abusive per this list. I then saw a bigger picture and reality. If the majority of us do things that hurt others, the effect we are having on them always finds a way to come back full circle.

“Life is like an echo. What we send out, always comes right back.” – Chinese Proverb

 

I am personally guilty of some of these abusive behaviors. I have nothing to hide and I hope you can learn some things from my own experiences.

We do not think of ourselves as abusers because we JUSTIFY or MINIMIZE our actions due to the actions of the other person. What we need to realize is WE CANNOT CHANGE our partners, we can only change ourselves and be accountable for what WE do. It doesn’t matter if they are calling you names, you don’t have to call names back. I have come to a point in life where I think that those who fight the hardest to win an argument are truly the biggest losers.

We as men need to create SAFETY, not have a persona of stopping whatever behavior threatens our “authority” – we see aggression as being a natural part of being a man, and that our “superior status” gives us the right to use that aggression to dominate and control women..and others.

DO NOT BLAME YOUR T-SHOTS. Be accountable for your actions. I have been on T now for 5 months and I have not once blamed anything I have said or done on T. Do I feel more assertive? Sure! Yet, that is no excuse or justification to be an asshole.

We need to be loving, supportive and respectful. We need to be self-less, not selfish in our motives, thoughts and actions. We need to have integrity and be role models to our future generations.

It is NOT okay to lose our cool and have short fuses. I have been practicing this while driving. Where I live is NUTS with traffic and most people that live here shouldn’t have a drivers license. Lately, when someone cuts me off and I feel the urge to wave my Italian arm in the air and yell out, “You stupid idiot!!!!”, I now honk my horn and keep my mouth shut. Oh, and I have stopped honking my horn for, like, 5 minutes at the person. I had a wonderful habit of doing that. I’d get really fired up and lay on my horn for an uncomfortable amount of time. FACT: I have cut people off and most of the time it has been unintentional and I felt awful about it. Who’s to say these people just didn’t see me? We are human. We make mistakes. We need to realize this, stop stressing out, and move on.

FOR HEALTH’S SAKE:

High stress increases your blood pressure, increases cortisol (hormone that adds tummy fat), and makes your body more at risk to be unhealthy. Stress is not healthy. It is the precursor for many horrible things you don’t want.

To top that off, when we react instead of respond, we put the other person’s health at risk.

KIDS WILL BE KIDS?

You can listen in on a typical day at the playground and hear kids bullying other kids who aren’t aggressive or dominant and show more signs of passivity. They pick on them and call them all sorts of names like “faggot”, “wuss”, “p*ssy”, to demoralize them. Notice, most names these young boys are called usually relate to women. It is ingrained early on that for a man to be thought of in any way as a woman is degrading. *Just wanted to point that out*

I remember when I was a child, yelling and screaming TERRIFIED me. It made me feel scared inside and I wanted to go hide. As I grew up…I then adopted that behavior and felt like the louder I could get, the more I would be heard. I just really wanted to make sure I was heard and understood and even felt my reasoning was completely justified and rational. In turn, I wasn’t listening to the other person. I heard very little, made my assumptions and then defended my own reality and perception.

Why am I disclosing my own dirt? Because it is dirt MANY people have and I’m doing a complete makeover with the new revelations I have been receiving and it is time for all of us to clean up our lives so we can truly live and not be overshadowed by deception of how we should be as men.

I want to respect others, listen to them and value their feelings as I value my own. I want to respond calmly to things that usually strike a nerve and irritate me. I want to bite my tongue when I feel “triggered” and only respond in a loving way, or walk away until I can. I want to be the best husband and father I possibly can be.

HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE

It is just a fact. People who are hurt, hurt others. And when you are hurting, you are so wrapped up in your own hurt that you fail to realize there is another person right in front of you that is also hurting. We have this reptilian brain of “flight or fight” and forget to pass through the passive pathway of “cognitive thinking” and take the quick pit stop of “REACTION” … which is never the right exit to get off at. Most of the time we react, it is out of our own hurt and fear. Usually, when you feel something intense in a not-so-nice-way, you are either going to cry, lash out, or retreat.

I feel the time has come for men to embrace a sense of self in which they can provide safe environments and validation of others.

Lastly, I am providing you with the list I was given recently. Some of these are extreme, some might surprise you.

Violent and Controlling Behavior Checklist
Physical Violence
____ Slap, punch, grab, kick, choke, push, restrain, pull hair, pinch, bite
____ Rape (use of force, threats to get sex)
____ Use of weapons, throwing things, keeping weapons around which scare her
____ Abuse of furniture, things in the home, pets, destroying her things
____ Intimidation (standing in the doorway during arguments, angry or threatening gestures, use of size to intimidate, standing over her, outshouting, driving recklessly)
____ Uninvited touching
____ Threats (verbal or nonverbal, direct or indirect)
____ Harassment (uninvited visits or calls, following her around, checking up on her, embarrassing her in public, not leaving when asked)
____ Isolation (preventing or making it hard for her to see/talk to friends, relatives, others)
____ Other (please list)

Psychological and Economic Abuse
____ Yelling, swearing, being lewd, raising your voice, using angry expressions or gestures
____ Criticism (name-calling, swearing, mocking, put-downs, ridicule, accusations, blaming, use of trivializing words or gestures)
____ Pressure Tactics (rushing her to make decisions, using guilt/accusations, sulking, threatening to withhold financial support, manipulating children, abusing feelings)
____ Interrupting, changing topics, not listening, not responding, twisting her words, going on and on
____ Economic coercion (withholding money, the car, or other resources; sabotaging her attempts to work)
____ Claiming “the truth,” being the authority, defining her behavior, using “logic”
____ Lying, withholding information, infidelity (having sex with others)
____ Using pornography (e.g., magazines, movies, strip shows, home videos, etc.)
____ Withholding help on childcare/housework; not doing your share or following through on your agreements
____ Emotional withholding (not expressing feelings, not giving support, validation, attention, compliments, respect for her feelings, rights, and opinions)
____ Not taking care of yourself (not asking for help or support from friends, abusing drugs or alcohol, being a “people-pleaser”)
____ Other forms of manipulation (please list)

(Adapted from EMERGE, Boston, Massachusetts)

“Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing.”

STEALTH: Undercover Transgender Brother

The STEALTH decision

One thing I have learned is that you can never speak for a group as a whole. Our opinions and thoughts might not be shared…and that is okay. That is the beauty of what makes us all unique individuals.

This post is about being stealth. What is “stealth”, you might ask? It is where one chooses to not disclose their transition to the outside world (ie: work, school, etc.)

Obviously, you can never escape your transition from certain people; however, some choose to live and blend into our surroundings, much like a chameleon.

Some argue, “you must be ashamed of who you are!” Yet, I beg to differ. We unfortunately live in a world that is infiltrated by bigotry, ignorance, hate and defiance. Some of us have spent years being ridiculed for the “choices” they made in their lives. Some of us just want a break.

While others will debate the “stealth” decision by saying, “you are choosing not to educate others, you are not an advocate, an activist”…I say, “don’t judge.”

ENDA to END Discrimination

What is right for you isn’t always right for someone else. We do not always feel the same, have had the same situations or same responses. Some families embrace their children, while others shun them. Some companies welcome us with open arms, while others can attest to being unemployed for years and not given the opportunity, simply based on one thing: they are transgender.

And, guess what? There isn’t a law to protect us. ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) is a proposed bill to protect us; yet, it is still waiting to be approved by the United States Congress.

“ENDA has been introduced in every Congress since 1994 (except the 109th) while previous employment anti-discrimination legislation has been proposed since 1974.^[1] The bill gained its best chance at passing after the Democratic Party broke twelve years of Republican Congressional rule in the 2006 midterm elections. In 2007, gender identity protections were added to the legislation for the first time ever. However, some sponsors believed that even with a Democratic majority, ENDA did not have enough votes to pass the House of Representatives with transgender inclusion, and dropped it from the bill, which passed and subsequently died in the Senate. LGBT advocacy organizations, and the community, were divided over support of the changed bill.

In 2009, on the heels of the 2008 elections that strengthened the Democratic majority, and after the divisiveness of the 2007 debate, a transgender-inclusive ENDA was introduced by House representative Barney Frank. Frank reintroduced the bill in 2011. Shortly thereafter, the bill was introduced in the Senate by Jeff Merkley.

Transgender people may experience higher rates of discrimination than the LGB population. A survey of transgender and gender non-conforming people Conducted by the National Center for Transgender Equality found 90 percent of respondents experienced harassment, mistreatment or discrimination on the job or took actions like hiding who they are to avoid it.^[5] In comparison, a review of studies conducted by the Williams Institute in 2007 found that transgender people experienced employment discrimination at a rate 15 to 57 percent.^[6]” (credit: wikipedia)

BULLYING

One thing we are all familiar with is bullying. Even if we haven’t personally been a victim, we probably know someone who has. Recently, an FTM friend of mine living in San Francisco was a victim and beaten severely.

“More than half of transgender or gender non-conforming people who experienced bullying or harassment have attempted suicide, according to a recently released study.

“From our experience working with transgender people, we had prepared ourselves for high rates of suicide attempts, but we didn’t expect anything like this,” said Mara Keisling, Executive Director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. “Our study participants reported attempting suicide at a rate more than 25 times the national average.”

Rates of attempted suicide rose dramatically — to 59 percent — when the victim’s teacher or professor was the perpetrator of bullying or harassment. Among those who had been physically assaulted by a teacher or professor, 76 percent reported having attempted suicide.” (credit)

MURDER

For the year 2011, there was a reported 221 victims that were murdered based on their gender identity. How many more occurred that were left unreported? (see 8 of the victims here)

REALITY CHECK

By this point, you are most likely shaking your head and thinking, “gee, Tristan, this sure is depressing!”

Yes, it is quite depressing. Yet, it is a reality.

I have personally won “Best Transgender Activist” for the years 2009, 2010 and 2011 by the readers of GA Voice. I was voted one of the 50 most influential people in our community by the readers of Fenuxe magazine in 2010. (click here)

Am I gloating? Hardly. While my claims of being a Trans Warrior and Advocate are very true, I sit at my desk in a conservative company STEALTH.

Am I ashamed of being Tristan Skye? Not at all. If anything, I’m more proud of the “Skye” part of me than anything else. But, the private part of me, sits here proud of who I am and happy, yes HAPPY, to be here and be seen for exactly who I am. A man. A smart, witty guy who happens to be very creative and good at what I do. A guy who is married with a newborn son.

Why don’t I wave the transgender flag proudly at my desk? I don’t have to. I do my part and educate others even while stealth. I defend our community and have actually been surprised to hear many of my conservative co-workers be in favor of things like gay marriage. I have been an advocate, undercover. That is how I see myself. I’m like an undercover agent.

To fact is, I worked hard scholastically to get to where I am today. I was “out” at every job prior to this one. My previous job, I went from “F” to “M” and they had to learn to change pronouns.

Upon being hired at my current place of employment, I had to contact ALL previous employers and tell them about my transition and that I am now legally and medically “male.” I even had to call that one boss from hell that mocked me and was condescending while I worked under him.

YES, I enjoy being one of the guys. I enjoy the experience of passing. For me, that was what I dreamed about. I can’t say I ever wanted to feel “normal” because I realize…WHAT is normal? WHO is normal? I know what the majority of society THINKS is normal…but, I agree that normal is boring. I’m not normal. Even being stealth…I’m NOT normal. I couldn’t be normal even if I tried.

I have gone to great lengths to have my outside match my inside. I have changed my name, undergone surgery, had my sex marker changed on every document, including my birth certificate…gotten legally married and am the legal father of my son.

I went from the aggravating world of being called “she”, “her” and “ma’am” to “he”, “him” and “sir.”

I have went from low self esteem to high self esteem.

I would NEVER deny my past if asked. Yet, I don’t provide that information when it comes to my work. I don’t drive around with a car that says “Tranny Inside” on it.

If anyone EVER said anything negative about our community, I would immediately jump in to defend and educate.

I know some of you might disagree with what I have chosen for my life. But, as I don’t disapprove of your life, I ask you respect how I feel. I do not stand alone in our community with the decision I have personally made.

I actually feel like I’m “half” stealth. Half of my life is undercover, so to speak, and the other half is as if Hurricane Tranz is coming through! Look out!

Yet, I don’t feel like I’m being any less of ME. I feel honest and true with myself everywhere I am and go. I’m not ashamed, I am protective. I have had plenty of HATERS in my lifetime, I can assure you. I have had death threats and wishes put on me by those “disgusted” by who I am and what I represent. Do I stop what I do in the community? NEVER. Bring it on!

To those of you who wear your pride on your sleeve 24/7…thank you! You are rebels with a cause and stand up with pride at all times, ready and armed to defend our Trans community. Some of you choose to never legally change your names and/or sex markers to make a point for others to always know your roots and who you are and what you’re all about. That definitely is bold and brave and I think that takes strength to purposefully be a pillar of education and advocacy at all times. And, for some of you, you could totally go stealth, yet you would never do it.

For some others, they have gone stealth and I can’t even find them anymore. It’s like they have disappeared. They moved away, most likely, and started over fresh and brand new.

Me? I’m happy just where I’m at. I’m happy with my life. I’m happy being me. I still wish some things could be different, but I know everything I go through only makes me grow and become a stronger person. I still have struggles. I still have bad days. I’m human.

Because I’m human, I have the privilege of personal choice. I would never deny another their rights, and I ask you all to never deny someone else’s personal choice. From no-ho to ho, from surgery to no surgery, from gender queer to transgender…the whole purpose of this is to be TRUE to ourselves and find that peace and happiness that our soul desires.

You are my family. The family that has always loved, supported and accepted me. I could NEVER leave my family behind…and, I promise, I never will.

Life with our Awesome Son – Delivery and First Month

Trintan Rex Skye "T-Rex"

Being a dad is the ultimate. Holy cow! I love it. Our lil guy is the coolest around. I’m going to let you all know how delivery and first month were/have been.

DELIVERY TIME

On November 15th, Sicily and I went to our midwife for a routine visit only to find out her amniotic fluid was super duper low. A bit fearful, the midwife had our OB/GYN come in and sure enough…emergency c-section had to happen ASAP.

We were told to be at the hospital in 3 hours to check in. I had to go back to work to tell them the news and the emotions I felt were overwhelming. I almost felt shaky and didn’t know whether to cry or puke. I got to work and everyone was crazy excited and worried at the same time. I raced home to Sicily and she had gotten everything prepared, showered and was ready.

We both were in prayers that our baby bear would be perfect and healthy…I knew a c-section was the last thing Sicily wanted, so I tried to be supportive and comforting.

We arrived and checked in to the pre-surgery room. They started checking Sicily’s temperature and blood pressure. Minutes felt like hours. Finally, they took her back and told me to wait while they gave her an epidural and prepared her for surgery. I really didn’t like being left solo to hang while my wife and unborn child were wisked away from me. For those 30 minutes…my anxiety went on a roller coaster ride! I had my scrubs on ready!

Finally, I went back and I saw a sheet up and I had to sit by Sicily’s head. I talked to her a bit and then when they started, she said she felt a lot of pressure like they are were inside of her. Then, we were silent…just listening to them and waiting…and waiting.

Suddenly, we heard crying! Sicily burst into tears and it was the best moment of my life. They announced he was healthy and I was able to stand to see them carry him away to clean him off. Then they brought him over to Sicily and with her tear-stained eyes she smiled and admired this beautiful creature that was created and lived within her for almost a year. A pure miracle!

The hardest part was them taking him immediately from us. We hadn’t even held him yet. For over an hour we waited in the post-surgery room and then a nurse brought our bouncing baby boy to us. Sicily held on tight and I turned on the video camera!

So much hair! Wow! Look at how small! Indeed, he was tiny at 5lbs 11oz and 18.5″ – a wonderful bundle.

When I held him for the first time, my heart melted. I couldn’t believe it was real. I mean, I waited my whole life for this moment and had so many times been worried it would never happen. I kept on believing over the years and then here was the moment I held my son for the first time. It was surreal. Like a dream come true.

We were moved to the post-partum room and were there for 4 days until we could go home. His diaper was the first I had ever changed and my first try was pretty sad! Now, I’m a professional and can do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back. Well, *cough* I’d like to think so.

The drive home is when we truly felt like a family. It was just the 3 of us. No hospitals, no guests, just us.

FIRST MONTH

Every day feels new and you learn something. The first week, I was so exhausted I felt physically sick. But, all you keep telling yourself is that it’s so worth it. We just stare at him for hours and it doesn’t get old. When he holds my finger, I feel so much love! He has been a GREAT baby…doesn’t cry much at all unless he is hungry or has a nasty diaper. Now at 4 weeks, he has grown so much and his personality is showing. He smiles A LOT and he like to be held in the air like he is Superman. At first he hated baths, but now loves them as long as you keep the water splashing. Every time he hiccups, Sicily gives him a kiss. He is VERY loved and has plenty of affection. His eyes get so big now as he explores the room, gazing all around. He loves looking at lamps. He loves to be held close. He sometimes snores. He is awesome. He is ours. He has a part of my heart that didn’t exist until he was born.

TransParent Files: The Last 4 Months

You might be scratching your head right now thinking, “the last 4 months? But, your previous post was the first 6 months. That’s 10 months, not 9.” EXACTLY. 40 weeks is 10 months and it was news for us, too, when we realized “9 months” is truly 10!

I noticed sometime in the middle of this pregnancy that I didn’t want to read the books every night like I had done before. Once I knew he had surpassed the “safer” mode of pregnancy, I realized I had already read enough to go into pre-med. The sheer, initial thrill of it all turned more into a reality as I noticed Sicily’s bump resemble Mt. Everest more and more! Now, I’m playing catch up reading up on labor and delivery….and what happens once we bring him home!

The best part for me has been feeling him move and wondering…is that a head, a foot, an elbow? Maybe it’s his butt! I have told stories, sung opera (seriously…lol) and kissed her belly so much!

Sicily has been amazing as a pregnant mother. She talks to him, sings, dances and she always is rubbing her belly. He will actually lift up like he is saying to us…”that feels amazing! Please don’t stop!”

The Queen of Lean, now with a jellybean, has still been as healthy as can be. Not to mention, she hasn’t missed a day the entire pregnancy in her 5-day a week gym routine. I’m beginning to wonder if that is where she will go into labor!

SIDENOTE

As for myself, I have slacked big time and my actions have spoken louder than my words. I have said numerous times, “This is it! I’m going to be healthy again!” Then, I find myself sleeping in, skipping the gym, and eating cup cakes. You would think that I was the pregnant one! It’s ridiculous. I think I’ve gained around the same amount of weight as Sicily, yet when she gives birth and loses it, I will still have my baby belly.

This has been a struggle for me and I wanted to write about it because I know it happens to a lot of guys. The wake up call I got happened last week when my doctor called to inform me that my cholesterol was high and I needed to change my diet. I told the nurse, “I’m not surprised…I have slacked off for almost a year now.” To which she replied, “and it shows.”

Nice.

I’ve talked a lot about diet and fitness with Natural Transitioning and yet I haven’t talked about “food issues.” When I first lost 50lbs with NT, it was a dream come true. I have struggled and yo-yo’d with food my entire life and have come to realize  my deep-rooted issues with it. I am an over-eater. If I am stressed or upset, I eat. And eat. My portions are double or triple what they should be and my increased waistline is a sure indicator that I fell back into a trap from my past.

I am human, too. I sometimes have set-backs and have to pick myself up and dust myself off. I had Sicily take a photo of me the other day as my new “before” photo to encourage me to get back on track in my life to take care of myself. Heck, I have something else to live for now…my son! I want to be around for a long time!

Eating clean and exercising, I know and preach, isn’t part-time, it’s forever. I’m getting back in full gear to optimize my health and I’m letting you all be my accountability partners. I will update you on my progress.

BACK TO PREGNANCY

I have started dreaming about our son! It’s crazy. Some of the dreams are kinda scary, others are truly amazing! The other night, I dreamed about him when he was around 4 years old and I woke up with a HUGE smile on my face.

I can’t wait to be a daddy! Pregnancy is the time you think about everything!

We have had to prepare for it all and finally got her labor bag ready for the hospital last week. A entire list of items! So much of this stuff I don’t have a clue about. I went ahead and tried on my wearable baby carrier just to learn how to snap it on properly. We got the car seat set up properly…the nursery ready and waiting…clothes out the wa-hoo are hanging and folded…

Picking out things, like which is the best pacifier, can get overwhelming.

We were in the store, Target, one day and literally took 30 minutes to decide on which pacifier to buy! Seriously.

His name, which we will announce when he is born, has changed like 5 times throughout the pregnancy.

Around 8 months, Sicily started to feel HUGE. Now at 9 months I have to help her a lot more. She has a hard time reaching her feet and has a difficult time going up the stairs and rolling out of bed…which she does often since he is pressing on her bladder.

She is very tired and I can tell she enjoys pregnancy, but is to the point that she is READY for him to be here already!

10 months is almost one year … and talk about anticipation for something! I mean, it really has its share of ups and downs and feelings of joy mixed with fear mixed with excitement mixed with … gosh, every other emotion you can think of.

One thing we talk about a lot is how we can’t wait to see what he looks like! We had several 4D ultrasounds that gave us a pretty good idea, yet we know when he pops out, no matter what , it will be love at first site!

Sicily has grown even closer to me during this last phase of pregnancy. She has gotten more attached and I enjoy the feeling of being needed. It’s a new type of closeness for us since usually she is more independent. I have enjoyed the bonding we share with our growing son in her belly.

Our two chihuahuas barely let me near the belly because when I make kissy sounds and talk in baby talk they think it’s for them. It’s pretty funny! I wonder how they will react when our new, bouncing baby boy is in the house? I wonder if they will experience jealousy since they have had our sole attention for years?

Our families are ecstatic along with our friends. Even my co-workers talk about it all of the time. I can tell that a baby is such a joy for everyone. A brand new life, I feel, rejuvenates the lives of those of us who have been here a while.

It will be amazing and refreshing to see the world again through my son’s eyes. To see the beauty again and the wonder and awe. We lose that as time goes along and I can’t wait to watch him become fascinated with things I usually take for granted.

This has been my random post for today to try to catch you all up on us! I’m not sure if it even flowed correctly or not, but I tried to cram a bunch of thoughts together that would turn out to make sense and I hope I accomplished that somewhat today!

The next time I write about this…he will be here So…STAY TUNED!

TransParent Files: The First Six (6) Months

Proud Daddy-To-Be!!!!

No, no, no! I’m not the preggo one. That takes guts…and,well, a uterus. I will joyfully leave that up to women and transmen who are up for the challenge. I bow to you!

Since I’m a brand-spanking-new-to-be-dad (could I add another hyphen?), I thought I’d start sharing a bit of life as the spouse of a pregnant person.

You’re pregnant?

Finding out was truly the ultimate. You FINALLY see a second, pink line and your jaw drops. It’s kinda sorta like the way you felt the first time you went to Disney World…only this is ten times better.

It’s like you have that whole, “I believe it! I don’t believe it! I believe it! No, really?!?” You start to feel a little bit cuckoo inside…or maybe that was just me because my wife told me in the wee hours of the morning?

She jolted out of bed and said, “I think I’m pregnant!” at 2am. I mumbled something…and rolled over back into dream land. Next thing I know, it’s around 4:30 and I hear, “Tristan…can you please look at this and let me know if I’m crazy or not?”

I tried to swallow the cobwebs that had formed inside my mouth, went to the bathroom, rubbed my eyes and looked at the preggo pee stick on the countertop.

All of the sudden, my eyes almost popped out of my head! “Oh my God!!! You’re not crazy! I see it!!! Two lines!!! You’re pregnant!”

Yeah, we didn’t go back to sleep. We danced around on cloud 9 (maybe even 10) until we had to get ready for work.

T0 tell or not to tell, that is the question

Not telling anyone is like having the ultimate secret. They say to wait until the first trimester is over with just in case of a miscarriage…and we totally tried this…and we waited…and we made it…I think, two days?

The excitement is overwhelming!!! Sicily got a blood test and it was officially confirmed (not like the 10 preggo pee tests were wrong, or anything…) It’s like you can’t hear that your pregnant enough once you first find out. She peed on test sticks for the entire first month!

The First Trimester

Hormones, cravings and shopping…OH MY!

The first three months so far have been my LEAST favorite of pregnancy. Sicily was on progesterone to help sustain the baby and reduce the risk of miscarriage. All this did was make her hormones rage and I had that every day feeling of the dreaded “I do everything wrong!” (I even breathed incorrectly)

The food cravings began and we started to hit every Persian and Mediterranean buffet we could find. There was hummus always amoung us…and yes I rhymed on purpose.

As she slowly started to put on weight, well, so did I. This was the beginning of my “sympathy weight gain” which I wasn’t sympathizing with her…I just felt like I needed to eat for 2…or 3…or 4 myself!

Feeling your pants tighten and moving up a size doesn’t make you feel so hot. I will discuss this more in just a minute or ten (depending on how fast you read).

As a new dad and son of a mega-shopaholic mother…I decided to start hunting down some good deals for the baby.

What a big mistake!

All that did was make Sicily go bonkers since the first 3 months is a kinda scary time. She thought I would jinx the pregnancy by going ahead and buying stuff.

So, I snuck in a pair of baby boots and hid them in a drawer. Who knew she would look in there??? I sure didn’t and I learned to put the brakes on shopping!

Instead of shopping, I uploaded every free pregnancy app I could find and added it to my Droid (whose name is Herman since he is part of the family, even though my wife hates him). I have a countdown widget on my phone and as of today we are in week 24 and have 113 days to go!

Another thing to help the excitement and pass the time was reading all of those books out loud to her. WOW! Who knew there were that many books out there on pregnancy! Of course, THE book all the moms-to-be call the “pregnancy bible” is What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

Personally, I detest this book. To me, it’s a gi-normous book to make a preggo person scared out of their wits. SURE, it’s informative…but, maybe a little too much. Sicily glued this book to herself because she adores it that much. I think she started to bond with that book more than with me! (no joke)

The chick books I dig are The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy. Yup. If I’m going to read up on this stuff, I have to be able to chuckle about it to stay interested more than 10 minutes. SORRY. I have ADHD!

The ULTIMATE thing that happens during the 1st trimester is the ultrasound. Seeing your little nugget for the first time is beyond words (though, I will try to find some)…it is…fan-freaking-tabulous!!!!! Yeah, I had tears in my eyes and I gripped Sicily’s hand and watched our lil peanut on the screen!

Speaking of nuggets, you will be informed by all of the e-newsletters you get and your phone apps what the size of your bambino is week by week. You will be amazed at how many food items your baby will be the size of….my favorite was the orange. They said, “Your baby this week is the size of an orange. Pick one up, look at it, now eat it.” Seriously, folks. Kinda sick, eh?

The last thing I recall for the first BIG 3 was the heartbeat. Yup. Hearing that rapid thump, thump, thump makes your heart follow right in sync. Between the first ultrasound photo and hearing the heartbeat, you KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the real deal. There is no turning back. A baby is really in her belly!!!!

The Second Trimester

Amazingly, the day the 2nd trimester appeared, it’s like a big DING! went off on the microwave and suddenly, Sicily liked me again! The progesterone days were over with and her hormones got to settle down a bit. She looked at me with a sparkle in her eyes instead of a hiss and snarl in her voice. Ahhh….maybe this won’t be so bad after all?

The first thing when you hit this point is a sigh of relief! At this point it’s more rare to have a miscarriage, so for us we started to settle in and enjoy the ride more.

Then next thing I noticed was Sicily’s baby bump forming. Watching a natural, competitive bodybuilder form a bump on her belly is actually quite fun! More for me than for her…(bahahahaha!)

Actually, Sicily has embraced the bump…and everything else that has changed. Some things, I don’t see at all and I think it’s a figment of her imagination, yet I have learned (or been trained) to be empathetic with all of her feelings…even if they sound cuckoo to me!

At 16 weeks, we went for a 4-D experience and THAT was incredible! That is when we found out we were indeed having a BOY (though, we both already had a gut feeling!)

Speaking of GUTS, let me go back to that…”sympathy weight.” Yeah. Good times. So, around this time is when my “big boy britches” were starting to get snug and I realized if I didn’t soon get a grip and drop the fork, I was about to look pregnant, too!

People tell you to sleep all you can now, but Sicily didn’t wait to start “nesting” until her 3rd trimester…she started in her FIRST. I have torn the house apart and been putting it all back together. Time for the gym? Only at 4:30am which I have forced upon myself a handful of times. But, it comes to a point where you realize that your health is important and you have a bun in the oven that NEEDS you around…for, like, a long time. So, I decided to start eating better and wake up earlier so I can be my very best and reach my goal weight by his birth.

Another incentive for me is the fact that Sicily still goes to the gym 5 days a week. Count them…1, 2, 3, 4, FIVE! Seriously? I’m not even kidding! I wish I was, but I’m not. I have the preggo lady outdoing me…and that’s just plain SAD! Kudos to her and BOO-dos to me. Bad, Tristan! *slap on the wrist*

On a “lighter” note: I think she fell in baby love with the bump when she first felt the baby’s first kicks, which she said felt like gas bubbles. The first time I felt our bambino kick was the evening before my birthday (around 18+ weeks). That has been my most favorite part of these 3 months!

The first time I felt it, I could tell it was this miniature, tiny foot softly thumping my hand. It felt like the size of a small grape (yup, another food comparison…you get used to this in pregnancy).

My heart melted and I still can’t get enough. Every time she tells me he is moving, my hand is drawn to her belly like a magnet!

Sicily doesn't quite understand my humor....LOL!

One thing that I don’t think you “get” until you see it first-hand is what the GLOW is all about. YES, pregnant women DO glow! Sicily is like a beautiful version of my adolescent glow worm…and I can’t get enough. I stare at her dreamily and to me she is the most gorgeous I have ever seen her. There is just something extremely radiant about her being preggo and I have told her that I now want a whole litter just so I can keep her pregnant! (She, on the other hand, would probably shoot me in my sleep).

OH! I forgot to mention this part, but once you find out what you are having (if you choose to) the shopping can begin. This is especially fun, I’ve noticed, for first-time grandparents.

For us, we are thrifty people, so we have been bargain hunting and I believe we have saved hundreds (if not thousands) of buckaroos by buying clearance and gently used items. This, my friends, is the way to do it. Otherwise, you will become baby bankrupt!

Everything is a fortune! Plus, they make you feel like you have to buy a zillion things that are “must-have-items” …. seriously? Sorry, but I don’t remember having my baby wipes in a warmer when I was a little tater. I have a feeling my parents wiped my poopy butt with a cold, wet wipe and I turned out just fine. (Atleast that’s what I keep telling myself)

When Sicily said, “Enough is enough!” for the 30th time was when I felt we needed different types of strollers because I felt (was brainwashed?) they were crucial to have. I told her we needed a travel system, a jogging stroller, a lightweight stroller…at this point she said, “Can we PLEASE just wait for him to get here?” I debated with her and urged her that it’s smart to go ahead and have EVERYTHING before he gets here because we won’t have time once he is here.

After much deliberation, I realized what was truly going on within myself. I was STOKED and SCARED beyond belief at the situation and baby shopping was my therapy. And, yes, therapy is not free.

At this point of the adventure, my mind started to wander as I read through my personal books for soon-to-be fathers.

I started to ponder about life with a baby. I even thought of life as a trans father of a baby boy. Would I truly be able to measure up? Could I answer all of his questions in the future? Would I be lacking something?

I soon came to the realization that everyone has questions before they are a parent. We all strive to be “perfect” and yet when we aren’t (because, let’s face it…who is?) we feel like failures.

Yes, as a trans dad I will measure up, I can answer his questions and I will not be lacking anything. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

I know I can always ask a relative or friend for answers when I have a question. I also had to reassure myself of who I am and regain my confidence in myself. I had come this far in life and becoming a daddy will be the next thing I’m triumphant and victorious with. I will not fail.

In all honesty, even though I’ve had my ups and downs with my own parents…they didn’t fail. When a parent truly does their very best and does so with what they feel is all the love in their heart…they aren’t failing. Sure, they made some bad decisions and messed up…sometimes, BIG time….but, they are HUMAN. And…so am I, most days. So, I can only do my very best as a dad and I know that first and foremost it’s about loving my son unconditionally and helping to guide his footsteps in his own journey of life so he will have what it takes to one day spread his wings and soar.

To be continued

As we approached the 3rd trimester in just a couple of weeks, my baby posts will become the “TransParent Files” series. Sicily just might post some, too! There is much more to come…and Sicily is becoming a bit terrified at the realization her beloved bump is about to DOUBLE in size! (insert cheesy, horror movie music)

BOOK RELEASED: “Natural Transitioning: an FTM alternative”

Since 2008, a growing number of FTMs have stumbled upon an alternative founded by Tristan & Sicily Skye. This alternative plan allows transmen to naturally increase the testosterone their bodies already are producing with a 3-step plan including:

1. Supplements
2. Diet
3. Weight Training

Natural Transitioning has helped out many guys who are waiting to start Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), who are unable to do HRT, or who want an alternative option to HRT.

The book emphasizes the need to seek a physicians care the same as anyone doing the HRT method.

The book is released today via Lulu.com. You can purchase a paperback copy or an online edition.

100 pages filled with information, photos and even a bonus recipe section!
Click HERE to purchase your copy today!

Hunting the job market and TRANSGENDER?

The job market being what it is, with a reported ten percent unemployment rate in Atlanta (that figure representing ten percent of the population drawing unemployment benefits- discounting those whose benefits have run out, or those who don’t draw unemployment) that means that competition for jobs is a bit fierce right now.  And employers know it- they are picking and choosing whom they hire, taking only the creme de la creme.  A recent study showed that most employers immediately discount anyone who has been unemployed for six months as an undesirable.  You obviously aren’t a desirable commoddity if you haven’t caught an employer’s eye in six months.

So where does that leave the trans community?  Those of us with passing issues face a number of hurdles in the job market already, and with employers quick to fire and reluctant to hire for the reasons of public image, HR issues and what they percieve to be ‘hassles’ in hiring the transgendered.  And even those who pass just fine may have issues with documentation, legal hurdles where everything is going along swimmingly until the gender marker issue or the birth certificate comes into play.

So what’s a poor girl to do?  Because I speak in generalization, there is no story that I can tell nearly as well as my own, and my experience tends to create the filter through which I view the world.  Y’know, like yours.  So with that in mind, let’s examine my experiences and I can explain how I arrived at my current solution.

Step 1: LOSE YOUR JOB

If you are doing well and cooking along in a career in corporate America, then more power to ya.  It’s a fine feeling- a steady paycheck, benefits and security as you work today to build yourself a better tomorrow.  And then all of a sudden the rug can be pulled out from under you- be it corporate downsizing in a poor economy, the company simply shutting down, a buyout where the first step is to slash staff or interpersonal conflict with a boss whom you make uncomfortable *cough cough*.  But pack up your desk, because you’re out the door, beyotch, bye bye bye.

Step 2: THE HUNT FOR JOB OCTOBER

Hey, no problem, plenty of fish in the sea, plenty of places out there in the same business, and you have contacts- put it out over the web and tug a little, something is bound to turn up in short order, just bide your time and feel people out and something will turn around for sure.  Update that resume and brush up on those skills, and the bank account can carry you for a bit, right?

Step 3:  WHAT THE HELL

Now it has been months, and no interviews, people aren’t returning your calls and you are really starting to sniff your armpits and wonder if maybe you haven’t got a trio of sixes branded on your forehead.  You’ve already started padding your resume and filling in that you JUST lost that job, not six months ago- after all, you know the company’s policy is to just give out the information that you worked there, period.  So you’re keeping hope alive as you go ahead and cash in the 401K- no biggie, rebuild it later, just keep paying the mortgage and putting food on the table for now.  Oh, and somehow you’ve put on 15 pounds, which makes everything better, right?  Yay.

Step 4:  WHAT THE F%$K?!?

Okay, now you have been out of work for so long you really are feeling like a leper.  Fast food jobs won’t touch you, clerk jobs won’t touch you- hell, you can’t rember the last interview.  The savings have run tight and the ebay store is actually a welcome relief income.  Depression has definitely set in and you are starting to think about answering one of those “Make $300 a day from home!” spam ads in your filter,  Your friends commisserate, yet nobody has a lead.  Your worries about the future have moved from “I’m sure something will turn up soon” to “Are we going to lose everything?”

Step 5: CHANGE THE RULES OF THE GAME

This is when you finally accept that for whatever reason, the cosmos has decided that you don’t rate a break.  Fifteen years in your old career?  So what.  Now you are overqualified, you cost too much and “oh my gawd I think that was a man in a dress” doesn’t even factor in anymore because the few and far between interviews that you have had resulted in good handshakes and feelings all around, but the cherry-picking of employers means that you aren’t being hired.  It’s time to try something else, and this is where you start investigating technical schools.  “Become a motorcycle mechanic!  Learn to be an accountant!  ITT Tech wants you!  Welding is in high deamnd right now!  Investigate an exciting career in comestology!”

A little research yields the information that student loans and grants are actually quite available these days, and sure enough, there are a number of career fields where being trans isn’t really much of an issue.  A tough mechanic chick who looks a little burly turning a wrech becomes a turnon rather than a liability.  A tall hairdresser with big hands and a winning personality is popular in any salon.  The little stout welder guy is handy to fit into those small repair spaces.  And there is a surprising amount of money to be made in those fields.

So therein hangs the lesson for today’s column; if you find the deck stacked against you and the rules of the game are getting you down, don’t keep trying the same thing expecting different results- that’s the very definition of insanity.  Instead, change the game and change the rules.  Find a new career field that suits you, get some loans- and with your name change, you might be surprised that suddenly you are elligible for all sorts of loans and grants now that you may previously have been cut off from.  Do your research, see how much money is out thre, and find a new niche to go with your new life.

After all, with all of the changes happening inside and outside of you, why not change the environment of your career as well, to match?  Because there’s nothing like a good transition and a fresh start!

Written by: Sabrina Pandora

Switching a Gene in Adult Mice Easily Transforms Females Into Males

 The technology might allow for mid-life human sex changes with no surgery

Apparently men and women are not that different after all. In fact, the sexes are so similar that women have to fight their entire lives just to remain women — at least on the genetic level.

A new study finds that turning off just one gene, shared by all mammals, turns ovarian cells into testosterone-producing cells found only in the testes — and this is in adults.

In the study, published in the new issue of the journal Cell, researchers knocked out a female-promoting gene in adult female mice. The FoxL2 gene works by suppressing a male gene. When FoxL2 is switched off, the male gene, called Sox9, takes over, sending signals that turn ovarian cells into cells normally found only in the testes. The female mice produced as much testosterone as male mice, about 100 times higher than the concentrations normally found in females. Essentially, the ovaries turn into testes.

Minnie or Mickey? Roger McLassus via Wikimedia

A mouse with this gene manipulation is able to produce male sex hormones, but is infertile, the researchers say.

The findings suggest that maintenance of womanhood, or at least of the ovarian phenotype, is an active process throughout life, according to the researchers. The constant struggle between female and male genes could help explain changes like facial hair and a deeper voice among post-menopausal women, for instance. It could also illuminate genetic issues in transsexual people, perhaps explaining why some seek gender-reassignment surgery.

Co-author Robin Lovell-Badge, from the Medical Research Council’s National Institute of Medical Research in north London, told the Independent newspaper that the therapy could provide an alternative to those surgeries.

“It’s still very speculative, but it’s possible that this approach could produce an alternative to surgery and the removal of gonads — ovaries and testes,” Lovell-Badge said.

The gene is shared among mammals, so it’s not related to the rise of intersex fish throughout the U.S. Gender transformation is common among some fish species, and even the unusual increase in intersex black bass can be attributed to synthetic human hormones in the water supply, rather than a genetic change.

While it appears easy to genetically transform female mice into males, the study does not discuss going the other way. But in humans, a male-to-female surgical operation is somewhat simpler than a female-to-male operation, according to a 1996 study from the British Journal of Sexual Medicine. The relatively small body of research on the subject also suggests male-to-female operations are more common than female-to-male operations. The gene knockout could be a simpler method for female-to-male transformation.

Via Independent

Want More Hair? Awaken Dormant Follicles

Around ten years ago or so, having facial hair was something more of an embarrassment than something I embraced. I was pre-transitioning, living as “female” and all the bleaching and waxing became more and more a pain in the butt.

I was embarrassed because my natural state of being “hairy” was looked down upon by my female cohorts.  Women are supposed to be hairless (society would like to make you think) and I certainly bore my Italian ethnicity…with not much pride.

In attempts to help boost my self esteem, my mother offered to pay for treatments of electrolysis and then, eventually, laser light hair removal. Even with over $1,000 down the drain, I still had facial hair.

A few years later when I came to terms with my gender identity, I was VERY thankful I didn’t kill off all of the hair follicles and there were feisty survivors that remained.

I’m telling my story, because there might be others out there with similar experiences. Some things that were a social taboo living as “female” are now praised as we live as “male”.

I have been blessed in my ability to grow facial hair naturally, yet it is not as thick as I would like and it is not all over my face. I realized some hair follicles were killed in my previous attempts at “hair death” and I shrugged it off for a long time as an, “Oh, well! Atleast they aren’t all dead!.”

In late fall of 2010, I had a friend mention that he was using minoxidil. He had great success applying it to his face twice daily with a Q-tip. I decided to finally give it a try.

At first, I noticed that it seemed to discolor my hair, lightening it. It also made the hair fall out and be thinner at the first few weeks to a month. Then, I noticed a gradual shift forward as the hair seemed to re-thicken back up. Yet, I never experienced any major changes over a period of 4 months or more. I also only applied it once daily.

This morning I was thinking about my past hair removal and decided to do some research on it.

I found out some VERY interesting information!

I read that per square inch of the body you have a minimum of 1,000 hair follicles. The problem is that most of them lay dormant, meaning they stay “asleep” and do not produce hair. When you get electrolysis, they remove an average of 5 – 100 hairs per square inch of active follicles, so even when they are killed, you still have all of those dormant follicles remaining. (read all about it).

I then researched laser light treatment and it stated it only works 80% of the time and usually the hair remains gone for a long period of time, but usually not forever. (read all about it).

I decided to see if there was a way to “awaken” these dormant hair follicles and I found out…there is! (read all about it).

Tamoxifen (generic version known as Nolvadex) is an anti-estrogen steroid.

Now, that is one word that makes my eyebrow raise…steroid? Hmm. It appears that you can buy it as a pill (more pills? ewww!) OR a topical cream (BINGO!). It is primarily used to reduce breast cancer in female patients. (read all about it).

Am I going to try this? I’m not sure. I am not one to “try” things that affect my body until I do plenty of research. My health is #1.

I’m putting this out there for guys just so they know, all we have to do is somehow “awaken” these dormant follicles and PRESTO CHANGO, we can have a full 5 o’clock shadow over time!

Here are some mobile phone photos of me I took this morning showing my chin hair and sideburns.

My sideburns do grow past my earlobes, but I keep them trimmed for a more professional look. I also have hair just below my lower lip.

Leave comments if you find more research!!!

Happy hair growing, fellas!

Written by TRISTAN “SHIMMER” SKYE