Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 21,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 5 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

Fundraising efforts by local groups, the Atlanta Radical Faeries and the Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, will be honored on May 19^th at the First Existentialist Congregation in Candler Park from 5pm – 7pm.

ATLANTA – The Trans Health Initiative (THI) is pleased to announce the availability of Hormone Replacement Therapy to the transmasculine community. THI’s new coordinator, Sybastian Welch (a trans-identified man and advocate), and new Medical Director are committed to providing consistent and high quality health care. They reexamined protocols and integrated recommendations into the program to help realize the actual needs of the Trans-masculine community.

THI has offered sensitive and affordable health care to gender variant and intersex individuals since 2000. THI is a program of the Feminist Health Center’s Cliff Valley Clinic located at 1924 Cliff Valley Way NE in Atlanta.

The THI program seeks to reduce barriers to health care services and hormone replacement therapy for transmasculine individuals.  We offer sliding scale fees and relaxants or anesthesia for lower exams, colposcopies, biopsies and other medically necessary procedures that some clients feel may be emotionally and/or physically intolerable if they were awake.

THI follows the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association’s Standards of Care guidelines and is also informed by Medical Therapy and Health Maintenance for Transgender Men, the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH).  For more information about THI, please visit www.transhealthinitiative.org.

Fundraising by local queers groups helped provide necessary funding for services. The Intergalactic Love Affair (IGLA) is a community celebration-meets-fundraising event lovingly thrown together by the collaborative efforts of the Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and the Atlanta Radical Faeries. The event was conceived as an opportunity to unite the passion and creative powers of a group of friends toward raising funds for queer-minded organizations in the Atlanta community. In its inaugural year, all proceeds from IGLA went to YouthPride to shine a light on the issues facing young queers in our community. This year, the event highlighted an often overlooked group in our alphabet soup – the Atlanta transgender community – by donating 100% of funds raised from this year’s event to the Feminist Women’s Health Center (FWHC) and their Trans Health Initiative (THI).

The Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, order of the Flaming Sugarbakers are 21st century queer nuns dedicated to the manifestation of cosmic joy through freedom of expression, community outreach, social activism and charitable acts. Their manifest states, “We love expiating stigmatic guilt and spreading cosmic joy. We paint our faces to express the diversity in the community and by bringing our inside expressions out and to reflect the beauty of the people we meet and serve.” The Sisters have been in Atlanta since 2009 and delight in helping our communities through condom ministries, diverse fundraisers and promoting health awareness. They are first-line fighters in the campaign for universal human rights in the queer community.  For more information, visit http://atlsisters.org.

The Atlanta Radical Faeries are a very loosely aligned fellowship of friends, family, mutants, and misfits uniting countless queer sub-cultures to foment community through acts of radical self-expression, love, and compassion.

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Time to get a grip on how we react.

In just a few moments of your time today, I would like to help you redefine your perception of how we should be as men…to our partners, families, friends, workplace and community. To some, this will not be an epiphany as they read along. To others, I hope it opens your eyes.

Recently, I was provided a list of actions that are considered “abusive” behavior. As I scanned the list, I was amazed at some of the items…considering, most people I know would be abusive per this list. I then saw a bigger picture and reality. If the majority of us do things that hurt others, the effect we are having on them always finds a way to come back full circle.

“Life is like an echo. What we send out, always comes right back.” – Chinese Proverb

I am personally guilty of some of these abusive behaviors. I have nothing to hide and I hope you can learn some things from my own experiences.

We do not think of ourselves as abusers because we JUSTIFY or MINIMIZE our actions due to the actions of the other person. What we need to realize is WE CANNOT CHANGE our partners, we can only change ourselves and be accountable for what WE do. It doesn’t matter if they are calling you names, you don’t have to call names back. I have come to a point in life where I think that those who fight the hardest to win an argument are truly the biggest losers.

We as men need to create SAFETY, not have a persona of stopping whatever behavior threatens our “authority” – we see aggression as being a natural part of being a man, and that our “superior status” gives us the right to use that aggression to dominate and control women..and others.

DO NOT BLAME YOUR T-SHOTS. Be accountable for your actions. I have been on T now for 5 months and I have not once blamed anything I have said or done on T. Do I feel more assertive? Sure! Yet, that is no excuse or justification to be an asshole.

We need to be loving, supportive and respectful. We need to be self-less, not selfish in our motives, thoughts and actions. We need to have integrity and be role models to our future generations.

It is NOT okay to lose our cool and have short fuses. I have been practicing this while driving. Where I live is NUTS with traffic and most people that live here shouldn’t have a drivers license. Lately, when someone cuts me off and I feel the urge to wave my Italian arm in the air and yell out, “You stupid idiot!!!!”, I now honk my horn and keep my mouth shut. Oh, and I have stopped honking my horn for, like, 5 minutes at the person. I had a wonderful habit of doing that. I’d get really fired up and lay on my horn for an uncomfortable amount of time. FACT: I have cut people off and most of the time it has been unintentional and I felt awful about it. Who’s to say these people just didn’t see me? We are human. We make mistakes. We need to realize this, stop stressing out, and move on.

FOR HEALTH’S SAKE:

High stress increases your blood pressure, increases cortisol (hormone that adds tummy fat), and makes your body more at risk to be unhealthy. Stress is not healthy. It is the precursor for many horrible things you don’t want.

To top that off, when we react instead of respond, we put the other person’s health at risk.

KIDS WILL BE KIDS?

You can listen in on a typical day at the playground and hear kids bullying other kids who aren’t aggressive or dominant and show more signs of passivity. They pick on them and call them all sorts of names like “faggot”, “wuss”, “p*ssy”, to demoralize them. Notice, most names these young boys are called usually relate to women. It is ingrained early on that for a man to be thought of in any way as a woman is degrading. *Just wanted to point that out*

I remember when I was a child, yelling and screaming TERRIFIED me. It made me feel scared inside and I wanted to go hide. As I grew up…I then adopted that behavior and felt like the louder I could get, the more I would be heard. I just really wanted to make sure I was heard and understood and even felt my reasoning was completely justified and rational. In turn, I wasn’t listening to the other person. I heard very little, made my assumptions and then defended my own reality and perception.

Why am I disclosing my own dirt? Because it is dirt MANY people have and I’m doing a complete makeover with the new revelations I have been receiving and it is time for all of us to clean up our lives so we can truly live and not be overshadowed by deception of how we should be as men.

I want to respect others, listen to them and value their feelings as I value my own. I want to respond calmly to things that usually strike a nerve and irritate me. I want to bite my tongue when I feel “triggered” and only respond in a loving way, or walk away until I can. I want to be the best husband and father I possibly can be.

HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE

It is just a fact. People who are hurt, hurt others. And when you are hurting, you are so wrapped up in your own hurt that you fail to realize there is another person right in front of you that is also hurting. We have this reptilian brain of “flight or fight” and forget to pass through the passive pathway of “cognitive thinking” and take the quick pit stop of “REACTION” … which is never the right exit to get off at. Most of the time we react, it is out of our own hurt and fear. Usually, when you feel something intense in a not-so-nice-way, you are either going to cry, lash out, or retreat.

I feel the time has come for men to embrace a sense of self in which they can provide safe environments and validation of others.

Lastly, I am providing you with the list I was given recently. Some of these are extreme, some might surprise you.

Violent and Controlling Behavior Checklist
Physical Violence
____ Slap, punch, grab, kick, choke, push, restrain, pull hair, pinch, bite
____ Rape (use of force, threats to get sex)
____ Use of weapons, throwing things, keeping weapons around which scare her
____ Abuse of furniture, things in the home, pets, destroying her things
____ Intimidation (standing in the doorway during arguments, angry or threatening gestures, use of size to intimidate, standing over her, outshouting, driving recklessly)
____ Uninvited touching
____ Threats (verbal or nonverbal, direct or indirect)
____ Harassment (uninvited visits or calls, following her around, checking up on her, embarrassing her in public, not leaving when asked)
____ Isolation (preventing or making it hard for her to see/talk to friends, relatives, others)
____ Other (please list)

Psychological and Economic Abuse
____ Yelling, swearing, being lewd, raising your voice, using angry expressions or gestures
____ Criticism (name-calling, swearing, mocking, put-downs, ridicule, accusations, blaming, use of trivializing words or gestures)
____ Pressure Tactics (rushing her to make decisions, using guilt/accusations, sulking, threatening to withhold financial support, manipulating children, abusing feelings)
____ Interrupting, changing topics, not listening, not responding, twisting her words, going on and on
____ Economic coercion (withholding money, the car, or other resources; sabotaging her attempts to work)
____ Claiming “the truth,” being the authority, defining her behavior, using “logic”
____ Lying, withholding information, infidelity (having sex with others)
____ Using pornography (e.g., magazines, movies, strip shows, home videos, etc.)
____ Withholding help on childcare/housework; not doing your share or following through on your agreements
____ Emotional withholding (not expressing feelings, not giving support, validation, attention, compliments, respect for her feelings, rights, and opinions)
____ Not taking care of yourself (not asking for help or support from friends, abusing drugs or alcohol, being a “people-pleaser”)
____ Other forms of manipulation (please list)

(Adapted from EMERGE, Boston, Massachusetts)

“Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing.”

The STEALTH decision

One thing I have learned is that you can never speak for a group as a whole. Our opinions and thoughts might not be shared…and that is okay. That is the beauty of what makes us all unique individuals.

This post is about being stealth. What is “stealth”, you might ask? It is where one chooses to not disclose their transition to the outside world (ie: work, school, etc.)

Obviously, you can never escape your transition from certain people; however, some choose to live and blend into our surroundings, much like a chameleon.

Some argue, “you must be ashamed of who you are!” Yet, I beg to differ. We unfortunately live in a world that is infiltrated by bigotry, ignorance, hate and defiance. Some of us have spent years being ridiculed for the “choices” they made in their lives. Some of us just want a break.

While others will debate the “stealth” decision by saying, “you are choosing not to educate others, you are not an advocate, an activist”…I say, “don’t judge.”

ENDA to END Discrimination

What is right for you isn’t always right for someone else. We do not always feel the same, have had the same situations or same responses. Some families embrace their children, while others shun them. Some companies welcome us with open arms, while others can attest to being unemployed for years and not given the opportunity, simply based on one thing: they are transgender.

And, guess what? There isn’t a law to protect us. ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) is a proposed bill to protect us; yet, it is still waiting to be approved by the United States Congress.

“ENDA has been introduced in every Congress since 1994 (except the 109th) while previous employment anti-discrimination legislation has been proposed since 1974.^[1] The bill gained its best chance at passing after the Democratic Party broke twelve years of Republican Congressional rule in the 2006 midterm elections. In 2007, gender identity protections were added to the legislation for the first time ever. However, some sponsors believed that even with a Democratic majority, ENDA did not have enough votes to pass the House of Representatives with transgender inclusion, and dropped it from the bill, which passed and subsequently died in the Senate. LGBT advocacy organizations, and the community, were divided over support of the changed bill.

In 2009, on the heels of the 2008 elections that strengthened the Democratic majority, and after the divisiveness of the 2007 debate, a transgender-inclusive ENDA was introduced by House representative Barney Frank. Frank reintroduced the bill in 2011. Shortly thereafter, the bill was introduced in the Senate by Jeff Merkley.

Transgender people may experience higher rates of discrimination than the LGB population. A survey of transgender and gender non-conforming people Conducted by the National Center for Transgender Equality found 90 percent of respondents experienced harassment, mistreatment or discrimination on the job or took actions like hiding who they are to avoid it.^[5] In comparison, a review of studies conducted by the Williams Institute in 2007 found that transgender people experienced employment discrimination at a rate 15 to 57 percent.^[6]” (credit: wikipedia)

BULLYING

One thing we are all familiar with is bullying. Even if we haven’t personally been a victim, we probably know someone who has. Recently, an FTM friend of mine living in San Francisco was a victim and beaten severely.

“More than half of transgender or gender non-conforming people who experienced bullying or harassment have attempted suicide, according to a recently released study.

“From our experience working with transgender people, we had prepared ourselves for high rates of suicide attempts, but we didn’t expect anything like this,” said Mara Keisling, Executive Director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. “Our study participants reported attempting suicide at a rate more than 25 times the national average.”

Rates of attempted suicide rose dramatically — to 59 percent — when the victim’s teacher or professor was the perpetrator of bullying or harassment. Among those who had been physically assaulted by a teacher or professor, 76 percent reported having attempted suicide.” (credit)

MURDER

For the year 2011, there was a reported 221 victims that were murdered based on their gender identity. How many more occurred that were left unreported? (see 8 of the victims here)

REALITY CHECK

By this point, you are most likely shaking your head and thinking, “gee, Tristan, this sure is depressing!”

Yes, it is quite depressing. Yet, it is a reality.

I have personally won “Best Transgender Activist” for the years 2009, 2010 and 2011 by the readers of GA Voice. I was voted one of the 50 most influential people in our community by the readers of Fenuxe magazine in 2010. (click here)

Am I gloating? Hardly. While my claims of being a Trans Warrior and Advocate are very true, I sit at my desk in a conservative company STEALTH.

Am I ashamed of being Tristan Skye? Not at all. If anything, I’m more proud of the “Skye” part of me than anything else. But, the private part of me, sits here proud of who I am and happy, yes HAPPY, to be here and be seen for exactly who I am. A man. A smart, witty guy who happens to be very creative and good at what I do. A guy who is married with a newborn son.

Why don’t I wave the transgender flag proudly at my desk? I don’t have to. I do my part and educate others even while stealth. I defend our community and have actually been surprised to hear many of my conservative co-workers be in favor of things like gay marriage. I have been an advocate, undercover. That is how I see myself. I’m like an undercover agent.

To fact is, I worked hard scholastically to get to where I am today. I was “out” at every job prior to this one. My previous job, I went from “F” to “M” and they had to learn to change pronouns.

Upon being hired at my current place of employment, I had to contact ALL previous employers and tell them about my transition and that I am now legally and medically “male.” I even had to call that one boss from hell that mocked me and was condescending while I worked under him.

YES, I enjoy being one of the guys. I enjoy the experience of passing. For me, that was what I dreamed about. I can’t say I ever wanted to feel “normal” because I realize…WHAT is normal? WHO is normal? I know what the majority of society THINKS is normal…but, I agree that normal is boring. I’m not normal. Even being stealth…I’m NOT normal. I couldn’t be normal even if I tried.

I have gone to great lengths to have my outside match my inside. I have changed my name, undergone surgery, had my sex marker changed on every document, including my birth certificate…gotten legally married and am the legal father of my son.

I went from the aggravating world of being called “she”, “her” and “ma’am” to “he”, “him” and “sir.”

I have went from low self esteem to high self esteem.

I would NEVER deny my past if asked. Yet, I don’t provide that information when it comes to my work. I don’t drive around with a car that says “Tranny Inside” on it.

If anyone EVER said anything negative about our community, I would immediately jump in to defend and educate.

I know some of you might disagree with what I have chosen for my life. But, as I don’t disapprove of your life, I ask you respect how I feel. I do not stand alone in our community with the decision I have personally made.

I actually feel like I’m “half” stealth. Half of my life is undercover, so to speak, and the other half is as if Hurricane Tranz is coming through! Look out!

Yet, I don’t feel like I’m being any less of ME. I feel honest and true with myself everywhere I am and go. I’m not ashamed, I am protective. I have had plenty of HATERS in my lifetime, I can assure you. I have had death threats and wishes put on me by those “disgusted” by who I am and what I represent. Do I stop what I do in the community? NEVER. Bring it on!

To those of you who wear your pride on your sleeve 24/7…thank you! You are rebels with a cause and stand up with pride at all times, ready and armed to defend our Trans community. Some of you choose to never legally change your names and/or sex markers to make a point for others to always know your roots and who you are and what you’re all about. That definitely is bold and brave and I think that takes strength to purposefully be a pillar of education and advocacy at all times. And, for some of you, you could totally go stealth, yet you would never do it.

For some others, they have gone stealth and I can’t even find them anymore. It’s like they have disappeared. They moved away, most likely, and started over fresh and brand new.

Me? I’m happy just where I’m at. I’m happy with my life. I’m happy being me. I still wish some things could be different, but I know everything I go through only makes me grow and become a stronger person. I still have struggles. I still have bad days. I’m human.

Because I’m human, I have the privilege of personal choice. I would never deny another their rights, and I ask you all to never deny someone else’s personal choice. From no-ho to ho, from surgery to no surgery, from gender queer to transgender…the whole purpose of this is to be TRUE to ourselves and find that peace and happiness that our soul desires.

You are my family. The family that has always loved, supported and accepted me. I could NEVER leave my family behind…and, I promise, I never will.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 27,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 10 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Trintan Rex Skye "T-Rex"

Being a dad is the ultimate. Holy cow! I love it. Our lil guy is the coolest around. I’m going to let you all know how delivery and first month were/have been.

DELIVERY TIME

On November 15th, Sicily and I went to our midwife for a routine visit only to find out her amniotic fluid was super duper low. A bit fearful, the midwife had our OB/GYN come in and sure enough…emergency c-section had to happen ASAP.

We were told to be at the hospital in 3 hours to check in. I had to go back to work to tell them the news and the emotions I felt were overwhelming. I almost felt shaky and didn’t know whether to cry or puke. I got to work and everyone was crazy excited and worried at the same time. I raced home to Sicily and she had gotten everything prepared, showered and was ready.

We both were in prayers that our baby bear would be perfect and healthy…I knew a c-section was the last thing Sicily wanted, so I tried to be supportive and comforting.

We arrived and checked in to the pre-surgery room. They started checking Sicily’s temperature and blood pressure. Minutes felt like hours. Finally, they took her back and told me to wait while they gave her an epidural and prepared her for surgery. I really didn’t like being left solo to hang while my wife and unborn child were wisked away from me. For those 30 minutes…my anxiety went on a roller coaster ride! I had my scrubs on ready!

Finally, I went back and I saw a sheet up and I had to sit by Sicily’s head. I talked to her a bit and then when they started, she said she felt a lot of pressure like they are were inside of her. Then, we were silent…just listening to them and waiting…and waiting.

Suddenly, we heard crying! Sicily burst into tears and it was the best moment of my life. They announced he was healthy and I was able to stand to see them carry him away to clean him off. Then they brought him over to Sicily and with her tear-stained eyes she smiled and admired this beautiful creature that was created and lived within her for almost a year. A pure miracle!

The hardest part was them taking him immediately from us. We hadn’t even held him yet. For over an hour we waited in the post-surgery room and then a nurse brought our bouncing baby boy to us. Sicily held on tight and I turned on the video camera!

So much hair! Wow! Look at how small! Indeed, he was tiny at 5lbs 11oz and 18.5″ – a wonderful bundle.

When I held him for the first time, my heart melted. I couldn’t believe it was real. I mean, I waited my whole life for this moment and had so many times been worried it would never happen. I kept on believing over the years and then here was the moment I held my son for the first time. It was surreal. Like a dream come true.

We were moved to the post-partum room and were there for 4 days until we could go home. His diaper was the first I had ever changed and my first try was pretty sad! Now, I’m a professional and can do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back. Well, *cough* I’d like to think so.

The drive home is when we truly felt like a family. It was just the 3 of us. No hospitals, no guests, just us.

FIRST MONTH

Every day feels new and you learn something. The first week, I was so exhausted I felt physically sick. But, all you keep telling yourself is that it’s so worth it. We just stare at him for hours and it doesn’t get old. When he holds my finger, I feel so much love! He has been a GREAT baby…doesn’t cry much at all unless he is hungry or has a nasty diaper. Now at 4 weeks, he has grown so much and his personality is showing. He smiles A LOT and he like to be held in the air like he is Superman. At first he hated baths, but now loves them as long as you keep the water splashing. Every time he hiccups, Sicily gives him a kiss. He is VERY loved and has plenty of affection. His eyes get so big now as he explores the room, gazing all around. He loves looking at lamps. He loves to be held close. He sometimes snores. He is awesome. He is ours. He has a part of my heart that didn’t exist until he was born.

Matt Epling

This year, we as a community have taken steps forward, yet today, I read about something that moves us GIANT feet backwards.

Michigan GOP passed a bullying bill 26-11 (with zero votes from the Dems) allowing kids to be bullied by anyone! This includes students, teaches, faculty, volunteers, parents…you name it, they are allowed to bully a kid! As long as they can provide a so-called religious or moral reason for the actions (not to exclude “the devil made me do it”) then the bullying is sufficiently valid.

The sick irony is that the law is named about a Michigan teen Matt Epling who died by suicide as a result of anti-gay bullying.

Michigan State Senator Gretchen Whitmer stated passionately, “the saddest and sickest irony of this whole thing is that it’s called ‘Matt’s Safe School Law’. And after the way that you’ve gutted it, it wouldn’t have done a damn thing to save Matt!”

Personally, I am in livid SHOCK over this! I can’t even count how many kids have ended their lives or had their lives ended for them by hateful bullying and to actually pass a bill to allow bullies…to make the bullies, in fact, win…is a sick twist for me. I can only pray this bill gets reversed!

The Michigan Messenger reports:

In a floor speech Minority Leader in the Senate Gretchen Whitmer (D-​East Lansing) slammed the Republicans over the amended language.

“Here today you claim to be protecting kids and you’re actually putting them in more danger,” Whitmer said. “But bullying is not OK. We should be protecting public policy that protects kids — all kids, from bullies — all bullies. But instead you have set us back further by creating a blueprint for bullying.”

“Shockingly, Senate Bill 137 will do more harm than good. Senate Republicans left our students behind in favor of partisan politics and passed a bill that actually allows more bullying. Students and parents expect lawmakers to lead the charge against bullying, but instead Republicans made ideology more important than school safety,” said Emily Dievendorf, policy director of Equality Michigan. “Research clearly shows that only states with enumerated bills see a reduction in bullying. We need a bill that mentions the most affected populations and requires statewide reporting of bullying and harassment. SB 137 simply does nothing to reduce bullying in our schools.”

“To the families of the ten reported suicides that were directly linked to bullying and the countless others that have gone unreported, this bill adds insult to injury,” said Senator Glenn Anderson (D-​Westland). “I have been working for years to pass legislation to provide a safe school environment for all of our students. This bill goes in the exact opposite direction and in fact provides a license to bully.”

The legislation passed 26 – 11. It now moves to the Republican-​controlled House.

“I am ashamed that this could be Michigan’s bill on anti-​bullying, when in fact it is a ‘bullying is OK in MI’ law,” said Kevin Epling, an East Lansing parent whose son committed suicide as a result of bullying. His comment was posted on his Facebook page.

In an interview he had more to say.

“For years the line has been ‘no protected classes,’ and the first thing they throw in — very secretly — was a very protected class, and limited them from repercussions of their own actions. This line has no purpose within this piece of legislation except to incite ‘religious bigotry’ within our schools. Schools are trying to build more tolerant students and future leaders, not automatons blindly following misguided adult leaders who seek a return to a 1950′s America,” Epling said. “This will only cause unrest in schools and give schools one more thing to deal with rather than trying to solve a problem. Also it is not a very well thought out ploy, as in some areas of the state the tables might be turned on the ‘anointed ones’ they seek to keep from being punished. This is just very wrong and the way it was done was wrong as well. It was bullying at its best.”

The Detroit Free Press notes:

Kevin Epling, whose son Matt Epling killed himself in 2002 after being bullied, said that the added language will allow anyone to bully a student and cite their religious beliefs. He has worked with lawmakers for years to developed anti-​bullying legislation.

“This is just unconscionable. This is government-​sanctioned bigotry,” said Epling of East Lansing, who said he is “ashamed” that lawmakers added the language at the last minute.

The DFP also notes that the bill addresses cyber-​bullying but only when school district owned devices are the tools of the bullying.

I noticed sometime in the middle of this pregnancy that I didn’t want to read the books every night like I had done before. Once I knew he had surpassed the “safer” mode of pregnancy, I realized I had already read enough to go into pre-med. The sheer, initial thrill of it all turned more into a reality as I noticed Sicily’s bump resemble Mt. Everest more and more! Now, I’m playing catch up reading up on labor and delivery….and what happens once we bring him home!

The best part for me has been feeling him move and wondering…is that a head, a foot, an elbow? Maybe it’s his butt! I have told stories, sung opera (seriously…lol) and kissed her belly so much!

Sicily has been amazing as a pregnant mother. She talks to him, sings, dances and she always is rubbing her belly. He will actually lift up like he is saying to us…”that feels amazing! Please don’t stop!”

The Queen of Lean, now with a jellybean, has still been as healthy as can be. Not to mention, she hasn’t missed a day the entire pregnancy in her 5-day a week gym routine. I’m beginning to wonder if that is where she will go into labor!

SIDENOTE

As for myself, I have slacked big time and my actions have spoken louder than my words. I have said numerous times, “This is it! I’m going to be healthy again!” Then, I find myself sleeping in, skipping the gym, and eating cup cakes. You would think that I was the pregnant one! It’s ridiculous. I think I’ve gained around the same amount of weight as Sicily, yet when she gives birth and loses it, I will still have my baby belly.

This has been a struggle for me and I wanted to write about it because I know it happens to a lot of guys. The wake up call I got happened last week when my doctor called to inform me that my cholesterol was high and I needed to change my diet. I told the nurse, “I’m not surprised…I have slacked off for almost a year now.” To which she replied, “and it shows.”

Nice.

I’ve talked a lot about diet and fitness with Natural Transitioning and yet I haven’t talked about “food issues.” When I first lost 50lbs with NT, it was a dream come true. I have struggled and yo-yo’d with food my entire life and have come to realize  my deep-rooted issues with it. I am an over-eater. If I am stressed or upset, I eat. And eat. My portions are double or triple what they should be and my increased waistline is a sure indicator that I fell back into a trap from my past.

I am human, too. I sometimes have set-backs and have to pick myself up and dust myself off. I had Sicily take a photo of me the other day as my new “before” photo to encourage me to get back on track in my life to take care of myself. Heck, I have something else to live for now…my son! I want to be around for a long time!

Eating clean and exercising, I know and preach, isn’t part-time, it’s forever. I’m getting back in full gear to optimize my health and I’m letting you all be my accountability partners. I will update you on my progress.

BACK TO PREGNANCY

I have started dreaming about our son! It’s crazy. Some of the dreams are kinda scary, others are truly amazing! The other night, I dreamed about him when he was around 4 years old and I woke up with a HUGE smile on my face.

I can’t wait to be a daddy! Pregnancy is the time you think about everything!

We have had to prepare for it all and finally got her labor bag ready for the hospital last week. A entire list of items! So much of this stuff I don’t have a clue about. I went ahead and tried on my wearable baby carrier just to learn how to snap it on properly. We got the car seat set up properly…the nursery ready and waiting…clothes out the wa-hoo are hanging and folded…

Picking out things, like which is the best pacifier, can get overwhelming.

We were in the store, Target, one day and literally took 30 minutes to decide on which pacifier to buy! Seriously.

His name, which we will announce when he is born, has changed like 5 times throughout the pregnancy.

Around 8 months, Sicily started to feel HUGE. Now at 9 months I have to help her a lot more. She has a hard time reaching her feet and has a difficult time going up the stairs and rolling out of bed…which she does often since he is pressing on her bladder.

She is very tired and I can tell she enjoys pregnancy, but is to the point that she is READY for him to be here already!

10 months is almost one year … and talk about anticipation for something! I mean, it really has its share of ups and downs and feelings of joy mixed with fear mixed with excitement mixed with … gosh, every other emotion you can think of.

One thing we talk about a lot is how we can’t wait to see what he looks like! We had several 4D ultrasounds that gave us a pretty good idea, yet we know when he pops out, no matter what , it will be love at first site!

Sicily has grown even closer to me during this last phase of pregnancy. She has gotten more attached and I enjoy the feeling of being needed. It’s a new type of closeness for us since usually she is more independent. I have enjoyed the bonding we share with our growing son in her belly.

Our two chihuahuas barely let me near the belly because when I make kissy sounds and talk in baby talk they think it’s for them. It’s pretty funny! I wonder how they will react when our new, bouncing baby boy is in the house? I wonder if they will experience jealousy since they have had our sole attention for years?

Our families are ecstatic along with our friends. Even my co-workers talk about it all of the time. I can tell that a baby is such a joy for everyone. A brand new life, I feel, rejuvenates the lives of those of us who have been here a while.

It will be amazing and refreshing to see the world again through my son’s eyes. To see the beauty again and the wonder and awe. We lose that as time goes along and I can’t wait to watch him become fascinated with things I usually take for granted.

This has been my random post for today to try to catch you all up on us! I’m not sure if it even flowed correctly or not, but I tried to cram a bunch of thoughts together that would turn out to make sense and I hope I accomplished that somewhat today!

The next time I write about this…he will be here So…STAY TUNED!